Happy Birthday!
My first birthday being single since I was 19! No big plans...I really don't want to do to much just sit and chill out. Maybe Survivor man am I excited. I hope that my last year in my 30's will much better then being 38! I have had a hard year. It seems that everyone I know and loved chose to betray,lie or not keep their mouth shut this year. Everyone except the kids and they are awesome couldn't ask for better. I have been thrown under the bus by his family and for so long I just pretended it didn't hurt and I would be fine. but the harsh reality of it is that they were my family and I loved them and no matter how many times they were asked to stop they wouldn't I became their punching bag and sure he "asked" them to stop but never enforced it. My kids even asked them to stop and they turned around and trashed them! My ex....well I learned he never really loved me the way he said he did! He quit me because I was never really what he wanted. His actions after the divorce have proved that. .SHE IS MARRIED and THEN take you r MARRIED girlfriend out to eat with my kids. Then my sister!! How is it ok for me to tell her things that she turns around and tells other people, including my daughter. The first time she did that I over looked it...Now her actions could have serious consequences. I don't get it. Why is it that everyone you love will hurt you...ESPECIALLY your husband the man you make a vow to love forever and he just quiets you. YES I shut down but when you go through almost a year of attacks how can you not. Did I handle it right NO but to quit! I guess the promises some make to God people think can be taken back. I DO NOT!
SO what I learned. No matter HOW many people betray you and NO matter how many people lie and gossip God will never leave my side he just waited on me to ask for help. The sad thing is I pray for D every night I pray he finds the peace he needs. I pray that when he does realize what a mistake he made it isn't to late. I pray he will choose the best path not only for him but his children. I pray he finds the love he thinks he didn't receive. BUT i know i have NO control over that. I know that I will remain strong and faithful to God. I will not let any man come between me and my relationship with God or my children! I will be the roll model they need. I will hold my self to a high standard and be proud for once of the decisions I make.
Forgiveness....that one is tough but with Gods Strength and love any thing is possible. I guess that is what is hard. I have been hurt. BUT one day somebody will love me! One day I WILL BE ENOUGH! Until then.....I will wait and be at peace. I will have no regrets. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
PS SO today I got flowers from somebody and I don't know who it was!! The card was signed but it was hard to read.....I called the florist.....and they WONT TELL ME WHO IT IS...... who ever it was.....knew I loved tulips.
My first birthday being single since I was 19! No big plans...I really don't want to do to much just sit and chill out. Maybe Survivor man am I excited. I hope that my last year in my 30's will much better then being 38! I have had a hard year. It seems that everyone I know and loved chose to betray,lie or not keep their mouth shut this year. Everyone except the kids and they are awesome couldn't ask for better. I have been thrown under the bus by his family and for so long I just pretended it didn't hurt and I would be fine. but the harsh reality of it is that they were my family and I loved them and no matter how many times they were asked to stop they wouldn't I became their punching bag and sure he "asked" them to stop but never enforced it. My kids even asked them to stop and they turned around and trashed them! My ex....well I learned he never really loved me the way he said he did! He quit me because I was never really what he wanted. His actions after the divorce have proved that. .SHE IS MARRIED and THEN take you r MARRIED girlfriend out to eat with my kids. Then my sister!! How is it ok for me to tell her things that she turns around and tells other people, including my daughter. The first time she did that I over looked it...Now her actions could have serious consequences. I don't get it. Why is it that everyone you love will hurt you...ESPECIALLY your husband the man you make a vow to love forever and he just quiets you. YES I shut down but when you go through almost a year of attacks how can you not. Did I handle it right NO but to quit! I guess the promises some make to God people think can be taken back. I DO NOT!
SO what I learned. No matter HOW many people betray you and NO matter how many people lie and gossip God will never leave my side he just waited on me to ask for help. The sad thing is I pray for D every night I pray he finds the peace he needs. I pray that when he does realize what a mistake he made it isn't to late. I pray he will choose the best path not only for him but his children. I pray he finds the love he thinks he didn't receive. BUT i know i have NO control over that. I know that I will remain strong and faithful to God. I will not let any man come between me and my relationship with God or my children! I will be the roll model they need. I will hold my self to a high standard and be proud for once of the decisions I make.
Forgiveness....that one is tough but with Gods Strength and love any thing is possible. I guess that is what is hard. I have been hurt. BUT one day somebody will love me! One day I WILL BE ENOUGH! Until then.....I will wait and be at peace. I will have no regrets. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
PS SO today I got flowers from somebody and I don't know who it was!! The card was signed but it was hard to read.....I called the florist.....and they WONT TELL ME WHO IT IS...... who ever it was.....knew I loved tulips.
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