Beth Pippin

Well it has been awhile and a lot to update. 1st I am no longer working which tunred out to be a great thing. Getting paid to stay home isnt such a bad gig.
I am slowly learning to be by myself..I never thougt I would be the kind of person that would go to church by myself...I have gone out to eat by myself...worked out by myself...EVEN fixed my own brakes...next maybe i will go to a movie by myself!!! It is slowly all coming together.
I have cut all ties with the FD and some of those were not easy to do...but none of them had my best interest at heart. I will not surrond myself with people who want to have me fit into their mold. I am my own person. One day I will love but not right now...I am ok... happy and ok!!!!!!!!!!

When it rains it pours! Beth Pippin

When it rains it pours! SO my grand daughter will be 3 years old on the 6th! She is so darn cute and it is hard to believe Annalysa will be three and all my kids are in their teenage years...i am getting old.

It has been a HARD two weeks. I felt the full effect of my divorce last week and I feel like at least half of me is missing. I have a huge hole where he used to be and sometimes i wonder if i will make it out of bed. BUT i don't have a choice.

I have to get up and face the world and all its good and bad.

Right now Derek's family is refusing to come to Annalysa's party because I will be there. It sucks she wont have the ones who love her around her because they are ashamed of their actions. or at least that is what I think. Any man who would physically touch a woman should be ashamed. Not real sure why Derrek's sister isn't coming it isn't like I care if she is there or not! I told Katy I would be glad to stay at home since I can see her any day and that way the others could go. Let Annalysa have a great birthday she wont know if I am there and she deserves a happy day. SO i had that to deal with

THEN.....Kiki got sick....she called her dad because his days are a little more flexible. Funny thing how nobody called me to say she was sick...Derek called the B%$ch of a sister in law. HELLO i am their mother why would you call her. Just another way to make me look bad. I doubt he did it for that purpose but still pissed me off!

THEN i get an email from my aunt. My grandmother isn't doing well at all. My grandmother has always been this vibrant incredible woman. And i KNOW i have not been out there enough AT ALL...she is really the last link to my mother I have and sometimes that is hard to face but I know i truly will regret not taking the time to go out there. A million times i have said "this weekend" and something would always come up,

SO with all that...Derek trying to figure things out...spinal taps....kids....grandkids....work.....being fat and anobody will ever want to date me....things are SOOOO hard....

Time

Time heals all wounds, give me some time, time is of the essence, take your time....well time is a bunch of KA KA....I don't want time i want the pain of betrayal to go away RIGHT NOW....how is it that somthing that happened 13 years ago can hurt...how do you get that out of your head....now the present.....how do you deal with the man you have loved for 23 years decides to date an old frined from high school.How do you move on...TIME I dont want time...but i guess i am suppose to feel the pain, i am suppose to feel the rejection when i asked for a 2nd chance he said TIME.....
BUT today i feel strong...i am rebulding my relationship with God and i know what kind of lifestyle i WILL live and which one i WONT.... it may not be easy to see him move on but I feel ok today...that will have to work. I have amazing kids to make me smile. I have an incredible room mate who keeps me focused and my new frineds at Divorce Care who let me just cry when i need to. ( just to clear up ON HUGE RUMOR...my room mate is nothing more then a room mate....some people seem to think we are "partners' sorry Julie your not my type)
I have truly learned who my frineds are and I may not have a ton of frineds just a couple will work...so time does not heal wounds, giving some one time will not work but prayer will. As i pray each night i have come to realize the shift in my prayers. I prayed for me and Derek for so long so hard that we would be able to make this work. Now I pray for God to give me the strenght to follow HIS path not the one I want. I pray for wisdom and Strenght for Derek that he will follow what God has in store for him.