It is a brand new year and so far so good...Minus my grandmothers funeral. She was an amazing woman I can see where my mother got it from. I was telling somebody the other day I do not believe either one of them had an enemy..I know allot of people say that but that is the honest truth I can not even imagine anybody having anything negative to say about either one of them....well sorry I broke that mold. I have many enemies...some i earned myself...some just showed up and some I use to be related to....either way...I am not as kind and gentle as those 2 amazing ladies. I wont even pretend.
What comes next???? Well I will practice taking care of me! I mean yes I will always be a mother to my kids..but they do not need me as much now..SO IT IS ME TIME...scary a bit but still exciting...I will learn to stop loving the man that held my heart for 23 years. That is so hard. I do NOT want to be married to him I do NOT want to be with him! But how do I get my heart to just STOP loving the man I took a vow to love forever? Not easy but everyday I feel the weight being lifted and God's peace starting to take hold of my life. It is sad to see him self destruct. The drinking is worse...and of course the drinking and driving I will never get. Just like i do not get the loud rockband at 2 am with a girlfriend puking in the bathroom all while my kids are there? But i will not judge and just protect them. I wish he could find the peace but he doesn't want it so he will not find it.
This year is MY year. To fall in love with God and then myself. I will nurture us both and build a loving relationship with both. I will let God choose my path and follow it wherever it may lead. Until then..i will be patient and continue the time i can get with my kids whenever they are not around their dad or his g/f! I will love and be loved. I will NOT bring any new people in my life that need to be fixed or have way to many problems. I will only be around those who will care and love me in the same way i do them. NO more one sided relationships like I have now. I will battle and defeat cancer. I will celebrate every new day and live like it is the last....No RISK...NO GAIN...
So come on 2010!!! i am ready
No comments:
Post a Comment