Peace

Once again it has been awhile and so much has changed. I have a bond now with my children I never had before and I guess I can thank my ex for that. The one thing he did positively. I have a new granddaughter who is beautiful but so tiny since she was early but beginning to fill out a bit. And of course Annalysa who I love a little bit more every day. I have had the pleasure of being a stay at home BB (grandma) since I am not working but now it is for sure time to go back to work. My kids need a bit more from me then time and well money doesn't grow on trees. Dating??? Yes but slowly..I have a man I adore but still just taking my time and not attaching any labels or plans for the future. But the respect and peace I get from him is amazing......

Time!

Does time heal all wounds...no but makes it easier to deal with....Right now in this moment I am at total peace and happier then I think I have ever been except the day I had my kids.. My girls and I are all closer and it is amazing to watch them grow into independent young woman....grand babies are amazing and I never thought I would be a "stay at home grandma" but love it though they do make me feel old at times! I have the ability go and do and not be judged by people which is nice. I am "dating" which is different and though things will move at a very pace I seem to know what I want from a man and think MAYBE i have met him but who knows. God will show me the path I need to take sooner then later. BUT I can honestly say that right now in this moment I am happier and at total peace. That is something that is new...

Beth Pippin

Well it has been awhile and a lot to update. 1st I am no longer working which tunred out to be a great thing. Getting paid to stay home isnt such a bad gig.
I am slowly learning to be by myself..I never thougt I would be the kind of person that would go to church by myself...I have gone out to eat by myself...worked out by myself...EVEN fixed my own brakes...next maybe i will go to a movie by myself!!! It is slowly all coming together.
I have cut all ties with the FD and some of those were not easy to do...but none of them had my best interest at heart. I will not surrond myself with people who want to have me fit into their mold. I am my own person. One day I will love but not right now...I am ok... happy and ok!!!!!!!!!!

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

I received an email with this today and it was one of those quotes I have gone back and read the last few days. I guess with that statement if you live it and believe it...then we can never question where we end up! That takes a huge burden off my shoulders.

Life has been pretty good lately...work issues out with the roomie....tried to talk to the ex...but found my peace with out him...Found a man...one who is amazing...sweet.........so easy to talk to .....gentle...kind...and strong....when he calls...i smile and I have a pretty good idea he says the same....which is nice. For once I feel like that I am in a place where the relationship can be a two way street instead of me going one way and him another. There is respect which was never present in my marriage...not for any reason except we were young and didn't understand that...where will this relationship take me??? Not sure! trying to move past the fear of trusting to see if I am at all ready. I do know that some things in my life will have to be changed or removed...friendships I have relied heavily on.. will not be able to stay the way they are. Getting my kids in a place that they understand. But that will all fall into place...until then..I am enjoying the company and will wait to see where God will put me. He will decide what is best I just have to be willing to listen.

Isn't Annalysa precious in this picture!

Wonderful Weekend

What a great weekend....I am truly blessed. I have awesome kids...who always remind me to not take life to seriously. Friends who keep me grounded. And God who seems to put people in my path right when I need them.
Three months of my Cobra insurance was paid for! I was shocked that somebody would do that. Lifts a burden off my shoulders so I can work on me. Angels do exists and we should never loose faith!

PRE-Friday!!! woo hoo...best thing about that....I do not have to work tomorrow....I do have to drive to OK and visit with a team of Drs there at the Cancer Treatment Center's to see if they will take me as a patient..my insurance will not cover any of my treatments,meds or surgery do to pre-existing condition...SOOOO I either wait 3 months and pay for my own private ins and after 3 consistent months THEN they will cover. OR no treatment at all. Since a small part has moved to my bladder waiting is not an option. It is an aggressive cancer I am not even going to attempt to spell it. But I will be in Tulsa for the day and then see what I find out. Wish me luck!

I went to Dereks yesterday and tried to talk to him....he was somewhat receptive....let him know I wanted to figure out a way to "co-parent" our children...we will see.
Had an awesome night with the kids...worked at the old house and Mamma's Pizza!!! Thanks Lane' They are great kids.....

Stalker???? Wynn Taylor Derek Pippin

Well yet again my ex has lost his mind....He has a few people who seem to not be smart enough to think for them selves I am a stalker!!! FUNNY....yes I know where his g/f lives but when you take my kids and do NOT allow them to answer my calls and text I will find out where they are. He knows me. YES I have her number....she was stupid enough to text MY SON WHEN HE WAS WITH ME!!! DUH...But here are the things they DO NOT get told by him...HE text me ALL DAY almost every day. Have the phone record to proof it...HE cancelled my health ins and my car ins like 2 days after he found out I had cancer! HE allows her to trash me in front on MY KIDS....HE allows her....when she was married to stay at his house for DAYS at a time all the time my kids are NOT allowed to eat meat in front of her!!!! He tries to get my kids to lie to me about having her number and where they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE refuses to let my kids talk to MY family!!! His family trashed me....MINE did nothing the welcomed him still on Thanksgiving!!!!!!!! BUT TO NOT LET THEM TALK TO MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
My son has no bed to sleep in...He normally sleeps with his dad...but when she stays he is forced to the floor or the couch...There is ZERO food in the house!!!!!!!!!!!! NONE!!!!!!!!!! They continue to go out come home drunk and then wake the kids up to throwing up all night!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea does she act like that around her kids...if so i feel for them to!!!!!!!!!! He complained last Sat I never have the kids...the only reason I took Austin home was so he could see his dad....Sunday I called to come pick him up for a hair cut I WAS TOLD NO THAT HE IS WITH ME WAY TO MUCH.... I have been told I would serve a better purpose for the kids if I were dead....He is allowing Lane' a 17 year old to move out....HELLO RETARD!!!!!!!!!!!!HE WAS HAVING an affair the whole last year we were married in the meantime...I was being trashed by his family and I did not do that....His OWN daughter caught him....how sad.....
His atheist g/f likes to preach to my kids and even told Katy to have an abortion...WOW great example......
Me stalking him...lets compare the phone bills....He text me WAY more.....WAY more...so now when he does...they get directly forwarded to her....
the kids tried to talk to him sat and let him know that they wanted alone time with him!!!!!!!!! what did he do..Yelled at them....YELLED AT THEM WHEN THEY JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!
Since June they have not had ONE full day with their dad....he used to bend over backwards for them now he doesn't spend anytime with them and they beg....and then get yelled at.
if i tell him that....he yells at them...
The "visitation schedule" well I never EVER saw that and it was NEVER used until SHE got a schedule..NOW all of a sudden a forged paper that was notarized by a guy at the fire hall with OUT me there has appeared and he wants them ALL gone every other week...I have no problem they can stay with me anytime but he forged and lied LEGAL court documents and a few guys at the fire hall will probably go down for that so I hope it was worth it!!!!!!!!!!! I do NOT want to take him to court. I asked him if he wanted everyone to sit down and work this out....NOPE I asked about a mediator I would pay................NOPE.....i asked about going to my church and talking it out there..........NOPE but then an atheist wouldn't go there...funny how weak he is that he can be brainwashed so easy.
Am I angry YES he HAS to call or yell at my kids for the DRAMA HE AND THE WITCH started.....IF my kids complain about their living environment as their MOTHER I have a right to fight for them....SO ST 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SONNY who thinks it is OK to ask MY kids about their stalker mom....BEFORE YOU JUDGE find out both sides....find out HOW many times MY SON has called me crying....because he is tired of his dad yelling at him...crying that there is NO food to eat...UPSET there is a drunk damn near naked woman puking in the bathroom....FIND OUT how he sent me 113 message in ONE day with NO response from me.....SO ST 17 think about the fact that there were firemen paying for him to get BJ's from strippers while we were still married....so SONNY think about HIS actions before you EVER decide to tell my kids anything.................
Crazy thing not only did the man i love betray me....his family.............YEA THANKS TERRI for telling MY KIDS i was having an affair when IT WAS HIM you retard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW our Friends some of them need to think about the past before they decide to judge..............
BOY i feel better....
OH YEA......me a stalker.....those to retards read my blog EVERY FREAKING DAY..................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and his friends are to stupid to think for themselves.....

2010.......

It is a brand new year and so far so good...Minus my grandmothers funeral. She was an amazing woman I can see where my mother got it from. I was telling somebody the other day I do not believe either one of them had an enemy..I know allot of people say that but that is the honest truth I can not even imagine anybody having anything negative to say about either one of them....well sorry I broke that mold. I have many enemies...some i earned myself...some just showed up and some I use to be related to....either way...I am not as kind and gentle as those 2 amazing ladies. I wont even pretend.

What comes next???? Well I will practice taking care of me! I mean yes I will always be a mother to my kids..but they do not need me as much now..SO IT IS ME TIME...scary a bit but still exciting...I will learn to stop loving the man that held my heart for 23 years. That is so hard. I do NOT want to be married to him I do NOT want to be with him! But how do I get my heart to just STOP loving the man I took a vow to love forever? Not easy but everyday I feel the weight being lifted and God's peace starting to take hold of my life. It is sad to see him self destruct. The drinking is worse...and of course the drinking and driving I will never get. Just like i do not get the loud rockband at 2 am with a girlfriend puking in the bathroom all while my kids are there? But i will not judge and just protect them. I wish he could find the peace but he doesn't want it so he will not find it.

This year is MY year. To fall in love with God and then myself. I will nurture us both and build a loving relationship with both. I will let God choose my path and follow it wherever it may lead. Until then..i will be patient and continue the time i can get with my kids whenever they are not around their dad or his g/f! I will love and be loved. I will NOT bring any new people in my life that need to be fixed or have way to many problems. I will only be around those who will care and love me in the same way i do them. NO more one sided relationships like I have now. I will battle and defeat cancer. I will celebrate every new day and live like it is the last....No RISK...NO GAIN...

So come on 2010!!! i am ready